25 Lay next to you - Al Hayy (The Forever Living) Sam Smith UK
Okay I'm still going on about Kabir’s birthday. He is turning 5 and I'm wondering if other mothers feel this. It's like both Kabir and I know he is growing into a little boy. He's no longer a toddler or a baby. I try my best to keep a journal of all the things that happen between us as my way of being aware and appreciating my son. But I have to say I have a part of me that is being so silly and not wanting to let go. Kabir would always say “lay next to me” and so whenever Sam Smith comes on the radio I think of Kabir cuddling up to me and feeling like my little warm backpack. But it feels these days are limited as he grows he will move into his room and things feel different. This is just one example.
So feeling emotional/sentimental I decided to look at Sam Smith’s song and the lyrics as a way to be in the feeling, cry and let go. The lyrics to this song express a part of me.
I guess I finally understand what it means to be brewdy. It's like I finally learnt to be a mum and now it's all going. I will be like all those women who gather around a new born and whose faces are filled with joy and glee because it takes them back to when they had their own little ones. That's what was going on with them when I'd see them, and think there was something wrong with me because I just didn't connect with babies and children. Another piece of life just made sense and a penny drop moment noted. I feel I have this amazing resource, capacity, even super power that is just kept secret. Almost I can comfort any child and love them and support them and this feels so amazing and liberating. I cannot imagine a life without being a mum whereas before I couldn't imagine myself as a mum. I definitely would have had two very different lives. However, motherhood has gifted me with something that I don't think anything else could have.
I only realised that Sam Smith’s actual video was set amongst a funeral. As I read the youtube comments I wondered why everyone was referring this to a song about loss. Without seeing the video and just hearing it in passing on the radio I guess the power of loss has reached me in my own way.
According to my source 62nd name Al - Hayy is the perfection of everlasting life and the only one who truly lives. It is the one source of all life and the very life of everything that lives. It is the life principle that never dies, and it is inside every being. This divine name is also the living presence of everything, whether it is dead, alive, animate, inanimate, material, spiritual or anything in between. No distinction is made among these states because Al-Hayy lives in everything.
Al Hayy is filled with vitality; it is the inner life of the heart. Repetition of Al Hayy arouses a kind of life energy and freedom that is an antidote to the deadened condition of the heart that is often the result of grief and sorrow.
So I will try reciting Al Hayy to give me the life energy to begin this new chapter of motherhood. I acknowledge my emotions and take the wisdom they bring. I see and feel the beauty of creation and the cycle of life that I'm part of and have contributed to.
For all of you feeling loss like me...lets pause...listen...cry...see the beauty in where we are, what we are and what we will do next.
