8. When am I going to make a Living? - Al Muqit (The Sustainer) Sade (UK)

8. When am I going to make a Living?  - Al Muqit (The Sustainer) Sade (UK)

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that I mentioned that I have been nominated for the Spirit of Britain Award (by the British Muslim Awards).  The ceremony is this week and I have decided that I wont be attending.  Im truly humbled by the public vote it means the world to me, it really does.  However, I have to be honest.  A 6 hour event is too big of a commitment in time that I can give right now.  Before I was a mother I didn't have to think twice about these opportunities.  I have been blessed to attend black tie dinners and awards nominations in the past.  But now I have a little boy who relies on me for everything.   Since he came and made me a mother I have been transitioning my life.  The whole reason I write this blog post and invite responses is because I am unable to travel and work as before.  It took some time to understand but I now live for what I am passionate about rather than a job.  My passions now include being a mother.  I try and stay fearless.  I tell myself just give from a soul level it will come back in someway.  I see this nomination as a beautiful example of this.  

My Son born premature at 30 weeks fighting to survive.

He is now 4!

The fear of rat race and the 9-5 is always present if I let it.  But back in 2002/2003 there was one song I had on constantly every day in the morning as I went to my 9-5pm job back then.  It was hell as I felt no matter how hard I worked it was never good enough.  My soul was being sucked out and I was becoming a living corpse.  This song gave me the courage and belief to think differently and in the end be different.  Even today I can hear the words in my heart “I'm hungry but I wont give in”. Im being nominated for the work I went on to do...what a journey so far!  But it feels like I am only getting started.  I dedicate this to all you souls out their trying to figure out how your gonna make a living. 

What songs help you in these moments?  Its not easy to remember where your sustenance comes from, its so obvious you have to get a job.  First step is almost unlearning what you believe.   According to my source the 39th name The Sustainer is the unlimited ability to provide for each and every thing.    Its the quality that nourishes our spirit, breath after breath.  Breath itself is a kind of nourishment from God that protects us from the death of the heart. This name has been most influential in my thinking and I'm making it a belief that I am my own sustainer. I ask for the same courage I used to have before I became a mother.  I am sometimes weak and worry about providing for my son.  Then I have to remember that the basics to live are free, its my conditioning that makes me not believe this some days.  The basics my son needed to survive was milk, love, warmth and attention.  

Sade has been the soundtrack to my life, growing up in Britain.  She was one of my favourite artists and continues to be a role model. Even now reading this article about her hasn't changed the way I feel about her.  I still learn lots from her as an artist.   Reading this also reminded me of the music press and music industry which I find very confusing and judgemental. But it serves a different purpose to mine so we agree to disagree lol!  

Lyrics

When am I gonna make a living?

It's gonna take a while before I give in

See the people fussing and thieving

While the sharks are wheeling and dealing

Gotta look up and tell yourself, there's no end to what you can do

They'll waste your body and soul if you allow them to

This is time to start believing in yourself

Put the blame on no-one else

When am I gonna make a living?

It's gonna take a while before I give in

See the people fussing and stealing

Too many lies, no-one is achieving

Haven't I told you before

We're hungry for a life we can't afford?

There's no end to what you can do

If you give yourself a chance to prove

We're hungry but we won't give in

Hungry but we won't give in

Hungry but we won't give in

Hungry but we won't give in

7. Remember the loveliness - Al Wadud (The Loving One) Mercen Dede (Turkey)

7. Remember the Loveliness- Al Wadud (The Loving One)  Mercen Dede (Turkey)

A few blog posts ago I wrote that I'm not listening to that much music.  Soon after I wrote this I noticed my big black crate that I've dressed with blankets and cushions.  People come and sit on it. Inside are cd's.  I have lugged this around with me for the last 20 years of my life.  The box included CD’s I've not even opened which I had been collecting from attending the World Music Expo annually for a number of years. 

Something magical has been happening to me for the last few days as I began to delve into the crate.  I started playing the music and it has felt that I have found and entered the door of my heart.  The song below created a zone for me to feel my love for music and my journey is beautiful even if no ones knows.  I know I am filled with love.  I am humbled by anyone who reads this blog and even more so for those that respond.  For me music is spirit and thats what I feel we become when we are making music.  According to my source the 47th Name Ya Wadud (The loving one) is the constant embrace of the affectionate loving universe.  The way we learn to love God is by learning how to love.  Human beings especially learn how to love by learning how to be intimate.  I believe creating music together is a way to be intimate and embrace the love of the universe.   As well as give love back.  

Mercen Dede’s track below was one of my first inspirations in what electronic and sufi music could produce.  Not only this but the simple english lyrics, repeated from 01.42 secs into the track was also inspiring that anyone given the chance could be inspired to create by this track.  There is something about the vocal.  I love the trembling I can hear in the voice.  So authentic to the polished voices you hear in music.   The trembling in the voice amplifies the words, the loveliness inside you is no small matter.  But in awe as in being the foot of an enormous mountain range.  I cant find an official video so the video below could be pulled for copyright reasons at anytime.   However, you can find the album here and the track.  Here's to your loveliness...I see it! 

What are the one liners in your life at the moment?  Music brings out my loveliness, my passion, compassion, I can give love without even thinking on an enormous scale.  What does it for you?  If you could choose a sentence you would love to hear over and over again what would it be? 

6. Amay Bhashaili - Al Rashid (The Guide) Alamgir, Fariha Pervez, Coke Studio Pakistan

6.  Amay Bhashaili - Al Rashid (The Guide) Alamgir, Fariha Pervez, Coke Studio Pakistan

Bhatiali or Bhatiyali is a form of folk music in Bangladesh. Bhatiyali is a boat song, sung by boatmen while going down streams of the river, as the word Bhatiyali comes from Bhata meaning ebb or downstream.  This song had me in tears this morning.  Not that I was sad about anything in particular.  I think I connected with the fear in the lyrics expressed.  Being creative is the most vulnerable you can be and although mostly I know I am brave I acknowledge the fear.  I acknowledge my doubt and although I have trusted myself until now there are moments of deep confusion. 

Coke Studio Sessions https://www.facebook.com/rohail.hyatt.public

You have set me adrift

You are causing me to drown

The river seems endless as if there were no shore

No border, no shore

The river has no limits

Steer it most cautiously, boatman

This boat of mine with a broken rim

The river seems endless as if there were no shore

Whether a storm rages

Whether rainclouds rumble

Take us across to the other end, boatman

However loud these river torrents roar

Help me get my boat to the shore, boatman

Take us across to the other end, boatman

The 98th Name of Allah Ya Rasheed, brings an established and clear consciousness that balances inner experience and worldly life.  The one thing that is clear is that its not easy to live your souls purpose.  A whole community of people can be found here who are trying to discover what they are about.  So I love this idea of the boatman and in this song in particular he is the person the singer is putting all hope into. It reminds me to keep focused and determined despite all the feelings of chaos and confusion I will get to the other side.  Something is being achieved.  This version of the song is combined with another song in hindi which I think goes really well.  Its about loosing ones love which is also a time when we feel we have lost ourselves and need help to hang on to get to the other side.  I really thank everyone behind Coke Sudios as I would never have access to such music and examples of great musical ideas.   I'd love to hear about songs that have impacted you in a similar way.  Are you conscious of fear in your life?  If you had to share a song that either helped you express your fear or helped you through these times what would it be?   Below is another favourite boat song by Coke Studio.  Both songs I dedicate to all those who are feeling a little lost...may your guidance find you and help you across to the other side.  

An ancient boatmen tune also known as Bhatiali, this tune has been sung with different lyrics by boatmen in Bengal since ages; used by R D Burman as O Majhi Re in Khushboo in 1975. Music conceived and created by Lesle Lewis.

5. Hello - Al Gafur (The Forgiving) Adele (UK)

5. Hello  -  Al Gafur (The Forgiving)   Adele (UK)

Happy New Year to you all!

Im so grateful to be writing this blog as it helps me to notice the music in my life.  When I imagined life without music, it was unbearable.  However I never thought it would lead to such a desire for truth and passion.  I thought I would have music all around me like when I was younger.  Id follow the charts and knew which song was going to be number 1 before it was.  In reality I've noticed that I don't listen to much music compared to before.  After watching a video by Producer Rohail Hyatt who was the pioneer behind Coke Studios in Pakistan I have understood what is going on with me.  Ive accidentally tuned myself into a different space - I say accidentally because I don't think I would have intended this for myself.  I love music but in seeking the truth about music Ive developed a deeper connection.  I want music to impact me in new ways so that I can feel myself in ways that I didn't expect to.  Adele did this to me recently when I had the radio on whilst driving.  It was her track Hello.   Isn't there always a song on the radio that is about you in some way.  In this song I would be the person that Adele would be singing to.  I feel the shivers and the haunting in the vocals and music but I wonder how I would respond to this. 

According to my source the 34th Name of Allah is The Forgiving.  “Al-Ghafur is the essence of forgiveness, because it reveals the depth of the divine heart. Al Ghafur means to forgive all the way into the deepest possible place, all the way to the ground floor.  It is the divine forgiveness that penetrates into the most repressed secrets in our hearts.  Its presence allows us to accept that there is forgiveness even for the worst crime we have ever committed in our life or the worst crime ever done to us.”  So have I forgiven or not?  Listening to Hello for the second and third time the song exposes a wound I once had.  But I no longer feel any pain from this.  But I do feel the pain of the singer who has not moved on.  I imagine what I would do about this.  Id like to make a song responding to Adele.  For me the conversation needs to be in a different place, on a different plane.  Perhaps this will broaden the horizon through which events are seen and help heal the pain I feel for the singer. Whats your experience of forgiveness?  Is there a song that reminds you of a wound? Or a song that heals you? I leave you with the idea below as inspiration: 

What is forgiveness?

Sufi replied:   It's the fragrance that flowers give when they are crushed.